...quiero besarte..
...quiero matarte...

...reunir un solo sentimiento es casi imposible cuando en ti pienso..

?

i walk among the distractions
get confused by your reactions
again i fall for the passion
and i loose the sanity for another moment of your soul
i destroy myself and pick up the pieces
i kiss your pain and close you wounds
while in dreams i hold you close
endless , painless
simply beautifull
i think im wearing out that word
everything is just so unknown
feels like the twilight zone
never aware of what to do next
where to stop where to begin
i dont even know how to end this damn thing

hidden smile

inside you eyes
lies a dark ocean of stars..
each one with one scar
each one tellin a different story
on your body lies your pain
scrappin the hidden edges
edges that have no name
shame on the stranger who stoled your lips
shame one the ones who kept them while you just wanted a kiss
such beautifull silluette that hides beneath the stones
while they save your pain
you stay in the unknown
you cut yourself with their texture , but yet you still remain
hiding those broken tired wings that flew so far away
not much left of them
but still they take my breath away
inside your world where many tried and lost
no one ever notices
thats is all about your hidden smile

:)

my sunflower II

bright sunflower
open up as i watch you bloom
i count your petals that seem endless
but at the same time they are precise each in their own place
i obverse you as you observe me
stacticly
and slowly you move inside your own shell
you close and do not let me contemplate your beauty
you close as if you were harmed in such tragic way
close up as i watch you fade away
how much will you be able to take
its my inner ache that needs to watch you tear yourself apart
since you express it in a better way
should i watch you rot?
i dont know how much longer will you stay
my yellow sunflower..takes my inner pain

my sunflower I

its funny how things work..
ive gotten to the point of thinkin that things inside my room my stuff absorve my emotions
for example
about a week ago i got this sunflower as a gift..so bright and with shiny yellow color
lots of petals...it was so beautiful
just like the thought i was havin towards this certain person i rather not remember the name of
the thing is..i begun to get so many ilutions and stupid thoughts
i placed the flower on water in my room and startin the next day she began to bloom
and actually for a second i thought there was a posibility for me to be a little happy for a while
and the sunflower kept on bloomin inside my room openin up gracefully
later on the week i got several..better yet plenty of dissapoinments and tears became a part of my constant daily system ( yeah me cryin can you believe that?)
and as the week passed by this flower started to close its petals ...not rot..literally they closed up..
last night was quite crutial for me
everything just fell apart just like i did
everything is over
for now
and today...this sun flower is permanently shut
i cannot see the brown center of its beauty anymore
it sucked my emotions and it just closed..
quite intrestin i have to say
now im thinkin about throwin it away...or watch it rot

..

If you cant stay then i rather not have you at all.....

forget

its amazin how i loose track of time when im with you
short terms of moments that i always hope that last forever
and yet i wake up the next day hoping id see you again some day
but you just fade away
so many things i wanna say and do, its hard to think when im around you
i wonder if im always going to be in this back and foward motion with
you inside my head
everyday now it just hurts more the actual fact that i find myself missing you
and i just fucking hate to feel for you cuz you are just another dead end
you tend to proove me wrong every once in a million years and all the sudden im well again
i hate this
i hate the fact that i, in a certain way adore you
i hate the way you are just never there
i hate the way you look at me and i hate the way you deny
and i just fuckin hate the amazin way you make me feel when we pretend theres a you and me
and then it just disappears
you tell me what to do
because for me the only way out is to forget
just the way you sometimes do

O_o

Como me tragan los sentimientos cuando te observo
algo que solo puedo ver y no tocar
y estos viejos pensamientos que siempre escondo y a solas los acepto
y hasta a veces pienso que por un momento lo mismo estas sintiendo
pero solo por segundos agarro esa cierta mirada prohibida
ver y no tocar ..repito en mi cabeza
pues no puedo, serian muchas perdidas
solo puedo seguir mi camino
seguir siendo "tu hombro" solo tu buena amiga
a veces resbalo, eso si lo admito
pero no significa que vaya a llevarme de mis instintos
ver y no tocar..cuanto insisto

Drain

in dreams inside my head i walk upon
i kill the sun, i drink the sky
i never learn to fly
i fall apart every single time
and i fail and ache for eternity
i loose control, it always shows
i destroy and seek for answers that never have questions
i earn more pain and loose a frame of my mind where the dark always in me will remain
i give the moon my only smile and hide the stars in a shattered box
the only place where theres just no harm
and again i fail , and spill my blood on the ground
where it dries right away ..and then...i breathe again

trance

entre la multitud tu mirada y la mia simplemente cruzaron
mi mente se blanqueo en menos de un segundo
los tipicos saludos , los chistes de doble sentido
y luego desapareces
una insatisfaccion me surge
voy detras de ti
pocas palabras...todo me lo dices con la mirada
el tiempo se detuvo
me quede en el trance dentro de tus ojos
y en la oscuridad , en tus labios me perdi
y de repente solo la luna y tu estaban ahi
simplemente el misterio que siempre callas
cosas que solo me dices con tu silencio
como esa luna...
es lo que me hace querer acercarme mas a tu mundo interno
aunque sea solo por muy poco tiempo

Sehnsucht

And i desire yet i do not want
i ache and yet i do not feel the real pain
quite a contradiction inside my head
simple yet complicated
i ignore my senses yet they overcomsume me
i destroy everything around me yet the peace inside me
..contains me...
is beautifull and yet so horrible at the same time
hate and love all at once
just a simple thought..
and ironicly ..thats all i have..

The perfect drug - Nine Inch Nails

I've got my head, but my head is unravelling
Can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's travelling
I've got my heart, but my heart is no good
And you're the only one that's understood
I'd come along, but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go, but you're reaching, dragging, shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

and I want you
and I want you
and I want you
and I want you

you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug

You make me hard, when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart

My blood, it wants to say hello to you
My fears, they want to get inside of you
My soul, it's so afraid to realize
How very little good is left of me

and I want you
and I want you
and I want you
and I want you

you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug 5x
you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug

take me if you want
take me if you want
take me if you want
take me if you want

without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

15 minutes

i rize up
barely understanding what i speak
my thoughts intensify
my head becomes an open river
running over everything at its site
careless of what they think
i explode, loose my mind
all at once ,
just right when i taste the glory
i become a new me
then i fall
in a soothing air
it all becomes calm and quiet
i lack of words...become simply numb
the beauty of the silence out there
yet inside my head everything is still so loud
it goes by the sound of my heart beat
in the end...is all i can hear
then it all disappears
so i begin again,
till theres nothing left of me
untill the next day

:P

Inhale....exhale......feels so good when you can actually breathe
again , and perhaps start over...simple, but at the same time so damn twisted
i fell apart now im picking up the pieces
it becomes such a nasty little habit
even when you know how its going to end
you just continue all the way
it just feels good when your mind is clear again
and all that distracting blur is just gone
...next chapter please...

inexistente

...enciendo un cigarro...
todavia sentada en la cama...
te contemplo
como aun asi me siento tan vacia?
aun no sabes que junto a ti ya no estoy durmiendo
como es que mil veces te he recorrido...y cada vez mas siento menos
me pierdo en mis pensamientos mientras mi boca expulsa el humo que poco
a poco atrofia mis pulmones , lentamente sin dolor...por dentro muero
estas 4 paredes que poco a poco me encierran y me cortan la respiracion
como es que un lugar el cual tanto añoraba no hace mucho se vuelve el
lugar donde menos quiero estar
vuelvo y te contemplo
que rayos he hecho?
ya no eres mi debilidad
ese lugar en mi que siempre fue tuyo ya se ha vuelto oscuro
ese pedazo que me arrancaba para darte ya no es parte de mi
simplemente te observo y no reconozco lo que veo
...me marcho...
aun no notas mi partida....
recorro los pasillos que siempre anduve
el vacio en mi poco a poco me aprieta el pecho y me destruye
tengo que salir de aqui
ya tu presencia es inexistente para mi
esos segundos en que me pierdo en ti...simplemente se quedan ahi
no eres mas nada que algo fisico...momentaneo...algo que ya simplemente ...no siento
me imagino que ya notaste que no estoy junto a ti
ya es muy tarde....ya no soy parte de ti

End

...i give up...
the thought crossed my mind today
im tired...im just fed up
with everything, and everyone
i feel like i have no point here
i just want blur out of this life
i havent felt this way in years..
my head hurts so bad is going to explote
and here i am sitting just staring at the blank
...whats the fuking point?...
i feel like im loosing control
i have nothing to hold me down
i lost my stableness...just about now..i lost it
and i dont even know if i should cry for help
or stay here and rot
i dont know anymore
im lost in such a way not even myself can get out
i wanna end this

Road to perdition

i begin again my road to perdition
i run throught that exact same distraction i once thought i destroyed
i honeslty dont care anymore wether its a convienience or not
its always there waiting for me
death is no fear when i walk upon the dark pavement
its all about the risk
the edge
something i thought i forgot to do
well ill no longer care for me
ive had enough,
today, thanks to you
i realized its just not worth my waste of time
thank you
so that i can now continue my way to nothing
so that i can now stop attaching myself to something thatwill never be
so that you can quit your bullshit on me
your fukin games
ill continue now my road to perdition
where i forget my pain

inner thought

How i wish i could always be that ciggarette that you inhale
so that i could endlessly burn
and forever live in you

sin titulo

Ella que me observa, sin decir ni una palabra
como quisiera que me devolviera el alma
En la oscuridad, sola, la paz me falta

Ella que me observa, me corta con la mirada,
sin razon alguna desaparece de la nada,
inquieta te espero, me robaste el alma,
me quitaste el aire, me falta la calma

Yo que sueño, tu que esperas,
la vida me dara sorpresas,
y tu las cosechas

Ella que me observa en silencio me entierra,
vida que deseo,
amor que pierdo.

old stuff

this one was written by a friend to me,,, found it in one of my old
notebooks...thought id put here cuz i like it,

"If i could slip into your world, maybe then i could see
what you see, feel the way you do, but all's broken
and rotten
so i slip....
into the Void"


Raven