Sprained mind

roce

2012-02-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

El roce de tus manos sobre mi cuerpo quema mi piel.
Tus besos se vuelven intensos mientras me pierdo en ellos.
En la oscuridad te acaricio y exploro la infinidad de tu cuerpo.
Mientras lentamente vas consumiendome. Todo se vuelve un sueño.
Desvaneciendo en tu pecho, en este fuego, en un frio invierno.

2011-03-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

"..And I listen for the whisper, of your sweet insanity, while I formulate denials of your effect on me."

2011-01-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

This is not a competition. I've already won.

2011-01-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me

Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone

Secret

2010-12-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

Years have been, never expected, never thought, not even dreamed. I was handed this moment, this minute, this ethereal second, from you.. and in between the sheets you bloomed, such beauty, such passion,
Such secret
And in the darkness you were mines, and only mines to keep.
My hands wandered off on your soft skin as if it was an endless landscape in a utopian dream.
Your lips caressed mines and your silent moans only for my ears to receipt.
Not years, not months, nor days would compare to how intense it feels to have your heartbeats echo in the abyss of you and me..

foolish marty

2010-07-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

So here I am again. On that same road you once promised you would never point me to.
You swore so many things that I never saw
Promised so many wishes you never acomplished
and in the end im the one to blame really.
I believed every single thing you ever told me.
Went up against everyone . i showed you my wounds and you stabbed them in
And here i am. lost again
I am to blame. for letting you in.
I am to blame for allowing you to drown my dreams.
Its all gone now.
And this is the last time I will waste my thoughts on bursting into a inspiration to write to you

I am to blame. For loving you.

Note to self.

2010-01-07T13:34:00.001-08:00

Always remember that things CAN fail. Theres always a margin for errors, and that life is what happens when your plans go upside down. Dont take it so hard on youself. Mistakes is what makes us real. And overcoming them is what makes us humans.

new chapter.

2010-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

So here we are.. a new year, another page
a fresh start.
yet my mind is blank.
i have a lot of things going for me as we speak.
my last week of vacation. starting a newjob. finishing school.
still im somewhat.. unease.
what is it that keeps disturbing me.
i have proposed to myself positive thinking
sorounded myself with people who deserve it.
rebuilted my family bonds. redirected my clock
i even bought myself an agenda to keep track of my things,.
now where doi find peace.
inside me.
theres some sort of hollow i cant seemto fill up with nothing
nor water nor love nor thoughts .
i need to focus.
life passes me by . im ready for it. yet.. i need focus.
i dwell on things .
must think positive.
just have to push. "release"button and live.

What a mess.

2009-10-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

I officially hate the person I become around you
Everything I do is wrong. Everything I say is Incorrect.
"you dont controll your impulses , You always the negative one ,
this is all YOUR FAULT" You do this , you do that.
is it possible to be all of these things and more in a everyday life or
just around you?
Sometimes its better for me not to even hear from you than to speak
to you. You hurt me everytime
i oughta congratulate you. you have the capacity of turning someone into dust in
seconds.
I HATE loving you right now. its horrible. I rather grab a knife and pop my heart out
and put it on a plate till this motions go away.
I HATE YOUR EFFECT ON ME.
and the worst part of it all. is that it doesnt goes the fuck away.
it never does.
I am not a mess . YOU MAKE ME A MESS.
If i dont fill up your expectations then please, just leave me alone .
If I am such a problem . even with all thi distance between . PLEASE just let me be.
apparently I cant have feelings. aparently I cant do anything right.
go find someone who can then.
i try. but you dont see the goods you just see the bads, and you ALWAYS make sure to tell me.
thank you.. but i dont need another mother.

Pensamientos

2009-08-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

Son las tres de la mañana..

Debería de estar dormida. Mañana sera otro día.

Sin embargo me encuentro pensando.. en la intensidad de tus besos, la eternidad de tus labios y tus manos sobre mi cuerpo.

Dulces sueños.

2009-05-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

its been 3 nights in a row. 3 nights in a row that i dream about you. all about the same . the same thing over and over again.
how the hell time passing by doesnt make this any better . yes everything is fine. life is going as planned.
how is it that i cant stop thinkin about you.
how is it that you dont think about me.
i sometimes feel like i am going crazy.
i wish, there was some sort of way to erase you from my mind.
i want to get you out of my fuckin mind. i hate this , i hate feeling something so big and not receiving it back.
after ive done so much. after all ive fighted . now im just realizing this is killin me .
i am hopin for the hopeless
loving the loveless.
i just want to forget. please. make me forget i ever adored you the way i do.
help me erase your smile. help me stop dreamin about you every fukin night.
and you want to know why all the sudden im just wishing this.
because i just realized you forgot what it is to love me.
you forgot us.
you forgot what it was that we were going for. you finally let the feeling go,.
you forgot about me.
and now i will forget about you.

Tic-Toc

2009-03-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

the time has come to wake up
drop your charades , finish the game
i have opened my eyes again
and what a view.
things need to be fixed
i am healing. i need to breathe
climb that step
i've been avoiding ,
its time
to
m o v e o n

Contradiccion

2009-03-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Como el tiempo pasa. como nosotros nos volvimos tu y yo.
como ahora soy solo yo.
y entre mi silencio y mis mil pensamientos relfexiono en que si fue lo correcto
tantas desiciones que se toman sin pensar para luego decir lo siento.
si.. yo lo siento,
que te hayas quedado con mi tiempo. si .. eso lo siento
que hayas recortado mi cielo y que lo remplaces con espejos .. definitivamente siento
lo siento.. cuantas veces escucho esto.
que sientes?
has sentido las veces que rompiste mi pecho?
o las veces que te dije te quiero. te amo. te adoro. te extraño.
y increiblemente siempre regresas.
y siempre lo acepto!
como es esto?
las miles de veces que te pierdo te encuentro
me encuentras.. me secuestras
me vuelves etcetera...
lo intento.. me defiendo... pero pierdo cuando me plantas tus besos
si.. eso yo lo siento.
ya tu te quedas con todo esto. pues ya no queda nada aqui dentro
hasta tu regreso... no siento

reorganize

2007-12-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

so you fall you stumble but hey its a part of an everyday schore right?
with time things end up making sense even if it all seems so blurry now
things pick up as others just get lost
stationary vacations are never a good option
time moves foward . slips throught your fingers if you dont catch up
you loose. you win
you cry. you laugh
meditate life
time to change
leavin behind what holds me down
time to smile
shame for those who dont apretiate i wont stay around to see the grief
time to reorganize
time to breathe
time to leave :)

¨..what you do in life echoes for eternity..¨

i and you.

2007-11-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

so many confusing thoughts so much fear of such
theres something there inst there?
something about you that just makes me go back to that page and feel in a way...safe
yet im so afraid of that security..well..coz of my insecurities
damn my insecurities...
which is why im dancing this endless waltz on wether i should stay or not
by the time i got my sneakers on you just pull me back to the spot
how do you do that? how do you manage to keep amazin me with such little details of things that mayb you dont even know that you just do
your sweetness just makes me sweeter..
yet im so confused.
you untangle me. you sweet me. you kiss me i fade intoit.
i want i thinnk too much. i. i. i.you.you.you.
you and i. i and you.
see how crazy my head is when it come to me and you.

no words

2007-11-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

as I slip into your trance
I loose knowledge of time
while I fade into your kiss
and play with your lips
while my hands feel your soft skin
you breathe out and I breathe you in
words all the sudden simply become short ,meaningless
no need for words
space becomes nonexistent between you and I
and you end up over consuming me while I loose my mind

end.begin.

2007-10-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

when an old chapter ends,,,a new one begins
sept..how do you know if its actually over..or if theres gonna be a sequel
for me atleast...some are over...some had begun,..some are still on hold
too bad for certain to be lost in such way...what a pitty....what a waste
new things come. new people. new love.
certain lost. certain dissapointments..but hey..there is a reason for everything right?
like one of my buddies says ..im just gonna let things flow...see whats gonna come...whats gonna go
and whos gonna stay...wont be me tho..lol

what a shame

2007-10-15T17:49:00.000-07:00

i wish those lips that once were mines to keep came back to me
eyes that only had sight for me looked back to me
that body in between the shades of the sheets never disappeared from me

i wish your smile..would just smile back at me..
what a shame you dont seem to notice those things and how they really should be
and you manage to keep resisting me

i wish that moment between you and me happened more repeatetly

one more song

2007-06-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

..i dont need more words than this. last one!..
had to get it out of my chest. te solte.

Gustavo Cerati
Crimen

La espera me agotó
no se nada de vos
dejaste tanto en mí
En llamas me acosté
y en un lento degradé
supe que te perdí

¿Qué otra cosa puedo hacer?
si no olvido, moriré
y otro crimen quedará
otro crimen quedará
sin resolver

Una rápida traición
y salimos del amor
tal vez me lo busqué.
Mi ego va a estallar
ahí donde no estás
oh… los celos otra vez

¿Qué otra cosa puedo hacer?
si no olvido moriré
y otro crimen quedará
otro crimen quedará
sin resolver.

No lo sé
cuanto falta no lo sé
si es muy tarde no lo sé
si no olvido, moriré
que otra cosa puedo hacer?
que otra cosa puedo hacer?
Ahora sé lo que es perder

Otro crimen quedará
otro crimen quedará
sin resolver....

bueh

2007-06-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

ill always wonder ..
yet i guess ill never know
ill never tell
and neither will you
things fell
and yet i dont know why i still wonder
how long does it take. to forget all about you.

???

2007-06-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

where did the fireworks go
the shooting stars
the shiny moons and magic cars
i seem to be in this place where apparently ive forgotten my way
i cant remember whats the catch
whats that thing
that extra twist
im forgetting what was it that amazed me about you
and it hurts me so to say it
where did it all go
where did that perfect ending go

Foo Fighters- Everlong

2007-04-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

pa ti..

Hello. I've waited here for you. Everlong.
Tonight I throw myself into,And out of the red, out of her head she sang.
Come down and waste away with me. Down with me,
Slow how, you wanted it to be,I'm over my head, out of her head she sang.

And I wonder when I sing along with you,If everything could ever be this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good again,The only thing I'll ever ask of you.
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when.
She sang:

Breathe out, so I can breathe you in,Hold you in, and now, I know you've always been.
Out of your head, out of my head I sing.

And I wonder when I sing along with you,If everything could ever be this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good again,The only thing I'll ever ask of you.
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when.
She sang:

And I wonder,If everything could ever be this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good again,The only thing I'll ever ask of you.
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when

te sueño

2007-03-18T17:35:00.001-07:00

mientras contemplo en mis pensamiento la eternidad de tus besos
...me enredo...
entre tus brazos al ritmo del corazon sobre tu pecho me duermo ..
... y me pierdo..
en esos segundos dentro de tus ojos que se vuelven milenios
..y siento..
que solo contigo se calma la locura constante que llevo dentro..
con una simple sonrisa o un simple deseo..
..y un pequeño te quiero..
no creo que sea mucho pero si lo deseo
y a veces dentro de mi osuridad con una sonrisa plasmada en mi cara
..solo te sueño..

sleepless purple

2007-01-23T20:19:00.001-08:00

inner world i never hold
love never untold
shadeless beauty
inner mistery
hurt unspoken

pain and emotions
under the moon awaits
a sleepless purple takes over the sky
and yet she reamains
wihtout saying a word
yet screaming inside my head
inner passion
inner rage
sleepless purple in silence remains

dilema

2007-01-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

things can be so beautifull with you
and yet so painfull inside my head
it almost sufocates me

and yet ..i do want it ..but for the first time
i just cant do it...

or mayb i can...but i just cant
and thats why it hurts

see this is the side of life
i sometimes just do not understand
why so unfair
theres always a twist

and here it is ,,right on my face and i just let it slip throught my fingers
i just let you slip throught my fingers
and silently ill loose you
and you wont even know that i ever wanted you
cuz....i just cant

plural

2006-12-15T16:32:00.000-08:00

a quien le sirva el sombrero que se lo ponga

i will no longer be a part of your sad simpathy
i will no longer think for you or help
how stupid was i to think that you could posibly give back what i give you
any of you
i feel such a large anger i just rather not even bother on providing you my presence
not well appretiated, never understood
while i always have to understand your BULLSHITS
it ends here
no more attachements
NO MORE SHARING
it was never share
fuck that
wow, really i just cant believe, it would come down all to this

rotten apple

2006-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

whats the answer to all of this
i feel like im a walking dissapointment
i am
i dont have a clear point of view anymore
everything is blurry
i lack of motivaion
i lack of life
im sorry for wha i became to you
just a rotten apple
im sorry for the pain i caused you
i just wish me going away would make it better
but i guess running away is just not the answer
so what is?
what am i suposed to do
..just dissapear...

no entiendo..

2006-11-27T19:32:00.000-08:00

...no me explico como cada vez que te encuentro se me pierde la mirada en tus ojos
como cada vez que me acerco me pierdo en tu perfume y sueño
como ...despues de tanto tiempo...todavia en ti pienso
y simplemente es el hecho de verte me causa todo esto
como las ansias de quererte me surgen de repente
como carajo
si ya esto se supone que es pasado
como es que todavia en tu sonrisa me cuelgo
y tu corazon deseo
y nunca lo tengo..

:?

2006-10-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

ive decided myself for new things
tired of looking up to something that makes me waste my time
not worht my words , not worth my thoughts
it will simply fade in the air just the way it came
i just hate the way things always end in my way to just waste away...

...

2006-09-16T14:01:00.000-07:00

and so again i run down the same damn road
same corners, sama goddamn short cut
it has become such a habit its makin me even dizzy
certain distratctions keep bringin me down to this same path
im tired ..im just fukin fed up

angel with no name

2006-08-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

she lost her way
walked towards the smile on my face
dissapeared with the wind
gave her heart away to pain
inhales her own breath
and burns in internal flames
this angel without a name
walks with no shame
in her head her lovers memory always stays
while she flips her broken wings
i hear her cry miles away
i hold her secret but yet i lost the key to her chain

:)

2006-08-19T13:36:00.001-07:00

ok so i was in a cab the other day.. cant remember where was i headed to
as always sugested the driver to put a intrestin beat on the radio since i was fellin blue cuz of the recents events..and i was just in my head gettin memories and just there radio plays this song..dont feel like dancin by the scissor sisters..
all i could posibly do is smile like a doofus..cuz i remebered this was one of hairballs fav
bands...she would of loved it , so here it is ..i do recomend to download it ..:)

Scissor Sisters-Dont feel like dancin

Wake up in the morning with a head like ‘what ya done?’
This used to be the life but I don’t need another one.
Good luck cuttin’ nothin’, carrying on, you wear them gowns.
So how come I feel so lonely when you’re up getting down?
So I play along when I hear that favourite song
I’m gonna be the one who gets it right.
You better know when you’re swingin’ round the room
Look’s like magic’s solely yours tonight
But I don’t feel like dancin’
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can’t find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don’t feel like dancin’
No sir, no dancin’ today.
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Even if i find nothin' better to do
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Why’d you break down when I’m not in the mood?
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you
Cities come and cities go just like the old empires
When all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile.
You got so many colours make a blind man so confused.
Then why can’t I keep up when you’re the only thing I lose?
So I’ll just pretend that I know which way to bend
And I’m gonna tell the whole world that you’re mine.
Just please understand, when I see you clap your hands
If you stick around I’m sure that you’ll be fine.
But I don’t feel like dancin’
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can’t find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don’t feel like dancin’
No sir, no dancin’ today.
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Even if i find nothin' better to do
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Why’d you break down when I’m not in the mood?
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you
You can’t make me dance around
But your two-step makes my chest pound.
Just lay me down as you blow it away into the shimmer light.
But I don’t feel like dancin’
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can’t find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don’t feel like dancin’
No sir, no dancin’ today.
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Even if i find nothin' better to do
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Why’d you break down when I’m not in the mood?
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

To the sun

2006-08-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

i wrote this couple of weeks ago...

while we dreamt of fake silluettes you took that journey to the eternity one morning
and in betweeen those lost streets you faded
leaving traces on the floor for us to follow
everything became so gray that day
walls now seem bigger in your absense
yet your beauty always remains
in my head
things are sometimes meant to not be understood
seems so unreal it makes me think youre still here
sittin on your bed, reading a good book like you always said and smoking a cigarette
yet those things are just in my mind
now you must be ok cuz i know you would of broken the clouds by now if you werent
but things will on
you become a memory
you become a simple smile on my face
now you paint our skies
you hide the moon
you use shooting stars as bullets for your magic gun
always watching everytime you take that morning walk to the sun

RIP Claudia.....ill see you again someday hairball

2006-05-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

...quiero besarte..
...quiero matarte...

...reunir un solo sentimiento es casi imposible cuando en ti pienso..

?

2006-03-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

i walk among the distractions
get confused by your reactions
again i fall for the passion
and i loose the sanity for another moment of your soul
i destroy myself and pick up the pieces
i kiss your pain and close you wounds
while in dreams i hold you close
endless , painless
simply beautifull
i think im wearing out that word
everything is just so unknown
feels like the twilight zone
never aware of what to do next
where to stop where to begin
i dont even know how to end this damn thing

hidden smile

2006-03-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

inside you eyes
lies a dark ocean of stars..
each one with one scar
each one tellin a different story
on your body lies your pain
scrappin the hidden edges
edges that have no name
shame on the stranger who stoled your lips
shame one the ones who kept them while you just wanted a kiss
such beautifull silluette that hides beneath the stones
while they save your pain
you stay in the unknown
you cut yourself with their texture , but yet you still remain
hiding those broken tired wings that flew so far away
not much left of them
but still they take my breath away
inside your world where many tried and lost
no one ever notices
thats is all about your hidden smile

:)

my sunflower II

2006-02-19T16:53:00.000-08:00

bright sunflower
open up as i watch you bloom
i count your petals that seem endless
but at the same time they are precise each in their own place
i obverse you as you observe me
stacticly
and slowly you move inside your own shell
you close and do not let me contemplate your beauty
you close as if you were harmed in such tragic way
close up as i watch you fade away
how much will you be able to take
its my inner ache that needs to watch you tear yourself apart
since you express it in a better way
should i watch you rot?
i dont know how much longer will you stay
my yellow sunflower..takes my inner pain

my sunflower I

2006-02-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

its funny how things work..
ive gotten to the point of thinkin that things inside my room my stuff absorve my emotions
for example
about a week ago i got this sunflower as a gift..so bright and with shiny yellow color
lots of petals...it was so beautiful
just like the thought i was havin towards this certain person i rather not remember the name of
the thing is..i begun to get so many ilutions and stupid thoughts
i placed the flower on water in my room and startin the next day she began to bloom
and actually for a second i thought there was a posibility for me to be a little happy for a while
and the sunflower kept on bloomin inside my room openin up gracefully
later on the week i got several..better yet plenty of dissapoinments and tears became a part of my constant daily system ( yeah me cryin can you believe that?)
and as the week passed by this flower started to close its petals ...not rot..literally they closed up..
last night was quite crutial for me
everything just fell apart just like i did
everything is over
for now
and today...this sun flower is permanently shut
i cannot see the brown center of its beauty anymore
it sucked my emotions and it just closed..
quite intrestin i have to say
now im thinkin about throwin it away...or watch it rot

..

2006-02-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

If you cant stay then i rather not have you at all.....

forget

2006-01-29T16:42:00.001-08:00

its amazin how i loose track of time when im with you
short terms of moments that i always hope that last forever
and yet i wake up the next day hoping id see you again some day
but you just fade away
so many things i wanna say and do, its hard to think when im around you
i wonder if im always going to be in this back and foward motion with
you inside my head
everyday now it just hurts more the actual fact that i find myself missing you
and i just fucking hate to feel for you cuz you are just another dead end
you tend to proove me wrong every once in a million years and all the sudden im well again
i hate this
i hate the fact that i, in a certain way adore you
i hate the way you are just never there
i hate the way you look at me and i hate the way you deny
and i just fuckin hate the amazin way you make me feel when we pretend theres a you and me
and then it just disappears
you tell me what to do
because for me the only way out is to forget
just the way you sometimes do

O_o

2006-01-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

Como me tragan los sentimientos cuando te observo
algo que solo puedo ver y no tocar
y estos viejos pensamientos que siempre escondo y a solas los acepto
y hasta a veces pienso que por un momento lo mismo estas sintiendo
pero solo por segundos agarro esa cierta mirada prohibida
ver y no tocar ..repito en mi cabeza
pues no puedo, serian muchas perdidas
solo puedo seguir mi camino
seguir siendo "tu hombro" solo tu buena amiga
a veces resbalo, eso si lo admito
pero no significa que vaya a llevarme de mis instintos
ver y no tocar..cuanto insisto

Drain

2005-11-19T15:30:00.001-08:00

in dreams inside my head i walk upon
i kill the sun, i drink the sky
i never learn to fly
i fall apart every single time
and i fail and ache for eternity
i loose control, it always shows
i destroy and seek for answers that never have questions
i earn more pain and loose a frame of my mind where the dark always in me will remain
i give the moon my only smile and hide the stars in a shattered box
the only place where theres just no harm
and again i fail , and spill my blood on the ground
where it dries right away ..and then...i breathe again

trance

2005-11-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

entre la multitud tu mirada y la mia simplemente cruzaron
mi mente se blanqueo en menos de un segundo
los tipicos saludos , los chistes de doble sentido
y luego desapareces
una insatisfaccion me surge
voy detras de ti
pocas palabras...todo me lo dices con la mirada
el tiempo se detuvo
me quede en el trance dentro de tus ojos
y en la oscuridad , en tus labios me perdi
y de repente solo la luna y tu estaban ahi
simplemente el misterio que siempre callas
cosas que solo me dices con tu silencio
como esa luna...
es lo que me hace querer acercarme mas a tu mundo interno
aunque sea solo por muy poco tiempo

Sehnsucht

2005-10-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

And i desire yet i do not want
i ache and yet i do not feel the real pain
quite a contradiction inside my head
simple yet complicated
i ignore my senses yet they overcomsume me
i destroy everything around me yet the peace inside me
..contains me...
is beautifull and yet so horrible at the same time
hate and love all at once
just a simple thought..
and ironicly ..thats all i have..

The perfect drug - Nine Inch Nails

2005-10-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

I've got my head, but my head is unravelling
Can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's travelling
I've got my heart, but my heart is no good
And you're the only one that's understood
I'd come along, but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go, but you're reaching, dragging, shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

and I want you
and I want you
and I want you
and I want you

you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug

You make me hard, when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart

My blood, it wants to say hello to you
My fears, they want to get inside of you
My soul, it's so afraid to realize
How very little good is left of me

and I want you
and I want you
and I want you
and I want you

you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug 5x
you are the perfect drug…the perfect drug…the perfect drug

take me if you want
take me if you want
take me if you want
take me if you want

without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you…without you everything falls apart
without you…it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

15 minutes

2005-09-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

i rize up
barely understanding what i speak
my thoughts intensify
my head becomes an open river
running over everything at its site
careless of what they think
i explode, loose my mind
all at once ,
just right when i taste the glory
i become a new me
then i fall
in a soothing air
it all becomes calm and quiet
i lack of words...become simply numb
the beauty of the silence out there
yet inside my head everything is still so loud
it goes by the sound of my heart beat
in the end...is all i can hear
then it all disappears
so i begin again,
till theres nothing left of me
untill the next day

:P

2005-09-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

Inhale....exhale......feels so good when you can actually breathe
again , and perhaps start over...simple, but at the same time so damn twisted
i fell apart now im picking up the pieces
it becomes such a nasty little habit
even when you know how its going to end
you just continue all the way
it just feels good when your mind is clear again
and all that distracting blur is just gone
...next chapter please...

inexistente

2005-09-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

...enciendo un cigarro...
todavia sentada en la cama...
te contemplo
como aun asi me siento tan vacia?
aun no sabes que junto a ti ya no estoy durmiendo
como es que mil veces te he recorrido...y cada vez mas siento menos
me pierdo en mis pensamientos mientras mi boca expulsa el humo que poco
a poco atrofia mis pulmones , lentamente sin dolor...por dentro muero
estas 4 paredes que poco a poco me encierran y me cortan la respiracion
como es que un lugar el cual tanto añoraba no hace mucho se vuelve el
lugar donde menos quiero estar
vuelvo y te contemplo
que rayos he hecho?
ya no eres mi debilidad
ese lugar en mi que siempre fue tuyo ya se ha vuelto oscuro
ese pedazo que me arrancaba para darte ya no es parte de mi
simplemente te observo y no reconozco lo que veo
...me marcho...
aun no notas mi partida....
recorro los pasillos que siempre anduve
el vacio en mi poco a poco me aprieta el pecho y me destruye
tengo que salir de aqui
ya tu presencia es inexistente para mi
esos segundos en que me pierdo en ti...simplemente se quedan ahi
no eres mas nada que algo fisico...momentaneo...algo que ya simplemente ...no siento
me imagino que ya notaste que no estoy junto a ti
ya es muy tarde....ya no soy parte de ti

End

2005-09-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

...i give up...
the thought crossed my mind today
im tired...im just fed up
with everything, and everyone
i feel like i have no point here
i just want blur out of this life
i havent felt this way in years..
my head hurts so bad is going to explote
and here i am sitting just staring at the blank
...whats the fuking point?...
i feel like im loosing control
i have nothing to hold me down
i lost my stableness...just about now..i lost it
and i dont even know if i should cry for help
or stay here and rot
i dont know anymore
im lost in such a way not even myself can get out
i wanna end this

Road to perdition

2005-09-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

i begin again my road to perdition
i run throught that exact same distraction i once thought i destroyed
i honeslty dont care anymore wether its a convienience or not
its always there waiting for me
death is no fear when i walk upon the dark pavement
its all about the risk
the edge
something i thought i forgot to do
well ill no longer care for me
ive had enough,
today, thanks to you
i realized its just not worth my waste of time
thank you
so that i can now continue my way to nothing
so that i can now stop attaching myself to something thatwill never be
so that you can quit your bullshit on me
your fukin games
ill continue now my road to perdition
where i forget my pain

inner thought

2005-09-18T20:24:00.002-07:00

How i wish i could always be that ciggarette that you inhale
so that i could endlessly burn
and forever live in you

sin titulo

2005-09-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

Ella que me observa, sin decir ni una palabra
como quisiera que me devolviera el alma
En la oscuridad, sola, la paz me falta

Ella que me observa, me corta con la mirada,
sin razon alguna desaparece de la nada,
inquieta te espero, me robaste el alma,
me quitaste el aire, me falta la calma

Yo que sueño, tu que esperas,
la vida me dara sorpresas,
y tu las cosechas

Ella que me observa en silencio me entierra,
vida que deseo,
amor que pierdo.

old stuff

2005-09-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

this one was written by a friend to me,,, found it in one of my old
notebooks...thought id put here cuz i like it,

"If i could slip into your world, maybe then i could see
what you see, feel the way you do, but all's broken
and rotten
so i slip....
into the Void"

Raven

transpoiting

2005-09-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

i become invisible
def from sounds around me
i feel the speed of the blood running throught my veins
i hear the slow beats of my heart as it shuts down
i feel no pain
black becomes the color that sorounds me
loneliness becomes my companion
i lost my wings
my back has the burned impure flesh of whats left of them
nothing is left
not shadows, nor lights
simple ashes on the ground that are blown away by the wind
the cold wind
she passes by so fast it cuts...reopening my wounds
all of this runs over and over again
turns into a sincronized dance i cant keep up with
but at the same time i do
untill i fade away..and reborn again

what ever

2005-09-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

unbelievable how self involved you can be
apparently everything turns around you ?
im not going to be there to become part of that
i, like you have feelings , im no stone you can throw
so you can go **** yourself

seria eso posible?

2005-09-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

como esperar que te comprenda si no me dejas cruzar tus barreras
no tengo intenciones tocar tus heridas , no me interesa lamer tus marditas llagas
simplemente quiero entrar, romper ese silencio eterno que siempre me impones sin preguntas
"siempre es lo mismo" me dices, yo no soy lo mismo
me juzgas y ni si quiera te sabes mi nombre completo
mis intenciones no son recojer tus mil y un pedazos
no estoy aqui para salvarte, no lo necesitas
de alguna manera quisiera ser parte de esa soledad que te rodea
seria eso posible?
entrar a esos profundos pensamientos que siempre callas
tejer esas telarañas que bajo tu alma guardas...

longing

2005-09-02T19:27:00.000-07:00

once in a while , for a moment life just becomes meaningless
thoughts i sometimes quite dont understand slip throuhg my head
my mind is a dreamworld that not even i can understand
how can i expect you to do it
things that change, i never feel the same way
i always feel lost
it is simple beauty that distracts me
beauty i can never have only for me to keep
my lost unicorn
my so called "longing"
desires that inside me just break in to million pieces
because of that i loose
i always loose

2005-08-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

...Take this bittersweet spell of me....

to you

2005-08-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

this one is for you...you know who you are because you know the meaning of this song :P ( no romance involved just in case), you have becomed quite special in such short notice, "...just chill ok?..." lol :D

Nymphetamine

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A ‘V’ of black swans
On with hope to the grave
All through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
Nymphetamine girl
Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
My nymphetamine girl

Wracked with your charm
I am circled like prey
Back in the forest
Where whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt
(Keeping Sodom at night at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I am a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
None better
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
Nymphetamine girl
Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
My nymphetamine girl

Cradle of Filth

non existant

2005-08-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

is nice to escape once in a while from ur normal life....disappear..while others think youre doing your normal chores you are actually suspended in space in a totally diferent place...great feeling, just to escape...become just non existant , unavailable for a few hours, almost as if you were dreamin away...always hoping that feeling would last forever...just you and the ocean...hehe...mission acomplished....

Pain

2005-08-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

With every form you come,
you surprise me, hypnotize me
With every breath I take,
you're depriving, suffocating, choking
Now the time has come... when I tell myself,
there's nothing more I can take,
then you show me...
Will it matter right now?
if I'm already numb
Thats what you do to control me
So much sadness from me,
thats the way I feel
All the madness from me,
thats what makes you real
I don't want your pain
With every cut you make,
you expose me... 'cause you know me
With every bottle drink,
you can drown me, 'cause you fond me out
Now the time has come... when I tell myself,
there's nothing more I can take
then you show me...
Will it matter right now?
if I'm already numb
Thats what you do to control me
So much sadness from me,
thats the way I feel
All the madness from me,
thats what makes you real
I don't want your pain
With every form you take...
With cut you make...
So much pain
So much sadness from me,
thats the way I feel
All the madness from me,
thats what makes you real
I don't want your pain
So much sadness
So much sadness
Pain

-Stereomud-

??

2005-08-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

ok one week your tellin me u need some air and the other ur all over me shootin fireworks and everything? make up your mind ! thank god i dont think bout these kinds of things too much or else i would of gone crazy...and if i coment about your adttitude you just avoid the situation and never know howto explain?, i was warned ( yeah i got the 'i told you so") if you dont ever get your mind straight how is it that im going to know what you want

free?

2005-08-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

this you call free?
the fact that i 95% of the times feel like in a cage
with no exit door
thats free?
how everytime i speak up somehow i always fall down
and theres never anybody around to help me back on my feet
free you say?
that isnt a word with meaning in this world anymore
freedom of mind is barely existant
life in a eternal cage is what we get
few ..very few find out what free really means
the rest of us just stick to the word life instead

untitled

2005-08-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

in between my worlds i lie
i have no idea what so ever of what will come next
i wonder , sometimes im even afraid
i live my life as if it was always my last day
and yet,
im never satisfied
never pleased , never full
never feel like a whole soul
but no one does
you never feel whole until u drop your last breath

..

2005-07-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

i walk atound my room
never wonder , never speak
my air just becomes the smoke i inhale
i disapear
unexistant
trapped
how is it that these things bother me still
how is it that you become the only thought in my mind
how is it that i havent destroyed
i have no pain
you keep taking it all away
and at the same time , leave me with nothing..

unfinished , like what i write...

2005-03-01T23:25:00.000-08:00

To see and not to see
mentally unaware of the sickness in my pain
selfdestructed and yet i never lack of passion
i dont feel yet i bleed
...i know..
keep on fighting against the world
...my world..
i dont know whats real anymore
im trapped behind bars in a whole in my mind
and in this fear i cant escape
feeling numbinly insane
i just never feel safe
it all destroys who i am , who i will be and what i always have been
...lost..
always somewhat found by someone else
every now and then healed and kept away
never the less , push and breaked
these little piece is all i have left..

..

2005-02-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

This stranger walks by
and i have this urge to know
whats it like, whats it all about

strange attraction..something i didnt notice before
such beauty in a simple smile , such silence and yet no one can tell

somehow i wish i could get closer...yet i dont know if i could ever

...

2005-01-31T14:58:00.000-08:00

Entre mis pensamientos de soledad ahi espero
silenciosamente algo que ni si quiera yo se que es
he perdido el sentido del tiempo
mi vida vacia tan vacia como un hoyo de interminables errores
incomprensibles, impredecibles
perdida en la noche oscura donde nunca tengo paz interna
donde mis sueños son siempre eternos y mis realidades mentiras
ahi...donde nunca me encuentran
donde la sangre dentro de mi se va perdiendo
donde el dolor es mi fiel compañero
hasta cuando?
hasta cuando seguire los pasos hacia la nada
hasta cuando cargare con estas cicatricez
ya el aire que respiro me pesa
ya mi cielo ni mis estrellas existen
ya la luna me ha abandonado y ha seguido un nuevo rumbo
hasta cuando seguire perdida
deambulando...buscando algo que no encuentro

2004-12-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

...Time once stood still
in a place where dreams flow
where only the stars shined light

the space remained blank
thoughts arrised ,
for once it was just you and i

Time once remained still
non existant

and at the same time, my life goes on....